PSSST, you want in on a secret?
This is strictly off the record, okay?
And when i say off the record, I mean you can listen to what i'm gonna tell you but you can't store it anywhere, not even in your head.
That means you just have to listen, ayt?!
You must turn off all recorders, close that notebook, slip back that pen back into your pocket, shut up and listen; just listen. Because what i'm about to tell you is very, very confidential. You can't write about it; you can't broadcast it in whatever form or manner.
What you're gonna do about it is nothing. It's just strictly FYI. You can't tell your wife, girlfrienf, boyfriend, mother, father, sister, brother, uncle, aunt: no f'ng anybody. It's between you and me and, nobody else.
Why would I tell you this? because I trust you, y'know? You've been covering me as a reporter of this paper -what's your paper again? Yeah, right, right, that one. It's pretty f'ng popular isn't it? Read by hundreds -no, sorry, hundred thousands of Filipinos! Right, right.
Yeah, you can't even tell your editor, not even your editor-in-chief, especially not him because he's in the pocket of L...hey, that's also off the record. And that's not what i'm gonna tell you; it's bigger than that, I tell you.
And I'm gonna tell you this and you alone because you were writing some pretty nasty thing about this thing I'm gonna tell you. Yeah, all you write about is negative, pessimism, bad news, ya know. That ain't right by many people I know.
Yeah, journalism should accentuate the positive, no matter what f'g financial deeps't we're in. Ya gotta rally the troops, so to speak.
And that's what I'm gonna tell you off the record: we're bullish! Bullish! I tell you!
Right, we're optimistic with the business and confident that we can leverage our core strength as a veteran organization; our track record can speak for itself. Not only that, we're "cautiously" optimistic about the economy.
Whaddaya mean that's bulls't? Whaddaya mean everybody says that!
Hey, hey, listen to me, you don’t write that so it’s not everybody’s sentiment. You don’t write it so it isn’t worth a sh’t, right?
Hey, you can't write that, it's off the record!
Go ahead, you dimwit, but don't quote me, ayt? It's not for attribution.
Hey, you forgot your GC!
Whaddaya mean I got the wrong reporter?! Dimwit!
-Author's imaginary conversation with a real-life journalist's source.